Take it Back (Taken for Granted)

Taken for Granted (Take it back)

Take it from me

You will see

There is so much more

We can all be

If we do not flee

 

Take a trip

Down memory lane

But this time

Ignore the pain

Forget who is to blame

And let go

Of the shame

 

Take just one more trip

Or one last sip

Before sanity starts to slip

Try to get a grip

Even when moods

Start to flip

We are all captains of

Our own sinking ship

 

Take it for what it is worth

Let yourself connect

With the earth

 

Take it one step at a time

And it will all be fine

 

Take the good with the bad

The joy along with the sad

There will always be someone

Who gets mad when they see

Anyone else glad

Take a moment to think

With a nod and a wink

Keep searching for that missing link

And when you find it

Try not back away or shrink

While standing on the brink

 

Take what you can get

Do not ever stop or sit

Or the pieces will never fit

And the fire will go unlit

Teeth will grit

Words will spit

Rule we be re-writ

 

Take any and every chance

Because you never know

When it will be your last dance.

Free Pussy Riot

The War on Humanism

Part Two: Free Pussy Riot

 

Women of the world have always been considered sub-human throughout history. There is still a surprising amount of countries who still see us as weak, helpless creatures, here to get married, pop out tiny humans and otherwise be seen and not heard.

Being lucky enough to live in a so called free country where I can be a loudmouthed female is a blessing and a curse. While I can use my voice for the voiceless, it seems like it is not enough, it is never enough. I look at the world through unique eyes, I try to live in love and be brave in the face of people who will never understand.

A few weeks ago, HBO aired a documentary called Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer. This documentary won the Special Jury Prize at the 2013 Sundance film festival. Everyone has heard about this in some small way at some point but maybe like me, did not know much about the situation. I learned from the mouths of the members of Pussy Riot and through the eyes of these filmmakers.

Music has always effected the world for better and for worse. Art can save the soul and destroy entire nations at the same time. While Pussy Riot only did a handful of performances before they were unjustly imprisoned, they have caused a worldwide movement and awareness of how much Russia uses tyranny and an authoritative government to oppress its people. No one is allowed to speak out against the church or the state and these girls did both in a very flashy, over the top way. For this, they are still paying the price.

Artists and humanists, people of all ages rose up in support. To hear the girl’s parents speak of their daughters, they seem proud. These girls are all around the same age I am and it is scary to know this could happen to any of us who speak up about injustice in the world.

Here in the West, we live a comfortable life and most people have a hard time understanding the worlds that still exist in many countries. We have a hard time imagining our daughters being jailed for speaking their minds, being creative and trying to make a difference in the world. Many things run true as human nature though. These girls are considered demons because they have no interest in getting married and having children. This is not what is shocking, I have had the same issues for having the same views my whole life. “Deranged vaginas” was thrown around the courtroom during the trial. Instead of being offended, they laughed, I laughed and have decided to own it proudly in solidarity.

 

I have always felt that if you are not angry, you are not paying attention. I urge you to find out more about how to get involved. It could be me, you, your sister, your mother or your best friend. Look through this site and educate yourself further, no one deserves to be treated like this, anywhere, ever.

 

June 26th it is Time to Support, Not Punish

The War on Humanism

Part 0ne: International Day against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking

Never having been one to lie or hide my past or present drug use from anyone, I was recently made aware of http://supportdontpunish.org/   I knew I had to get involved in even the slightest way. I knew I had to share this with the world. They have a view on this subject that many would not expect or really understand, but I do.

Most people have very strong views about drugs, drug users and drug laws. Both sides of the fence argue loudly and believe they are right. If even one door opens in their mind, that is one life saved, one person evolving into something better.

The war on drugs in the United States started when I was a child and since I moved around a lot, I had to go through the DARE program in three different schools. Even then it made no sense to me why everything had to be so black and white. Even as I child I had a very live and let live attitude and I was always quite curious. Sobriety for me lasted till I was twelve and the first joint I ever smoked was stolen from my mom. All those just say no commercials come to mind but it was different for me. I know that there were many people out there who did not have the guidance and support I had, no one taught them to be responsible, respectful or careful.

Twenty years later, I tried just about everything under the sun that came my way. With only one possession of marijuana charge, one drunk driving charge and only having come close to overdosing once, I feel lucky. It also makes me feel like I should share this organizations message about helping support drug users instead of punishing them. We are all going to do what we are going to do so maybe we can save a few lives and tax dollars in the long run. Most jails are filled with addicts of some kind and we could really take a lesson from other countries with their open mindedness. Everyone complains about taxes but accept every law that tries to limit their freedoms.

I believe in what they are doing because I have been a victim of the sad realities that come from this life I live. Even now as I write this, I am having an ice cold drink on a summer night, smoking some pot. I have always wondered why nights like this make me such a bad person. Because I enjoy nights like this, I lost my license, I can’t find a job and most of my so called family does not talk to me. This is the way of the world and we have a chance to change it for the better.

I support http://supportdontpunish.org/ and what they do, their message gives me hope for the future. It is not me who is doing wrong, it is the world that is doing wrong by us. I hope this message gets through to a few people and helps others who walk on this path.

June 26th is the United Nations’ “International Day against Drug Abuse and Illicit trafficking”. This day is used by many governments to celebrate their failed attempts to wage war on drugs. In some cases they are holding public executions of drug offenders as a sign of their commitment. Ironically, June 26th is also the United Nations’ “International Day in Support of Victims of Torture”, yet people who use drugs continue to be abused, stigmatized, tortured, beaten and even killed in the name of the war on drugs.

What is also going to be happening on that day is that, across the globe on this date, drug user activists will be taking part in the first ever Support Don’t Punish Global Day of Action in ‘reclaiming’ this day as our own by highlighting the failure of the ‘war on drugs’, and emphasizing the need for harm reduction and health approaches for people who use drugs. Activists in more than 15 countries around the world are taking part in a Global Day of Action to promote more humane drug policies that support people who use drugs, rather than punishing and abusing them.

If I have not convinced you about how important this cause is, you can find our more info, including how to get involved by clicking http://supportdontpunish.org/ and taking some time to learn and understand instead of just jumping to hasty judgments and hypocritical conclusions.

New England Users Union will be holding a gathering as well and you can contact them at newenglandusersunion@gmail.com   to get involved in the festivities on the 26^th. Obviously this only applies to people in the area but if you would like to show your support, even in spirit, you can follow this link to the Facebook event and leave some kind words and thoughts on the subject. If I can make it to the event, I will of course write a follow up piece to this in the near future

My simple summery does not do this the justice it deserves so I leave it to you, to research, to learn and to be the change you want to see in the world. It all starts with us, it only takes one strong , determined person to change the world and it happens one step at a time, one day at a time.

Failing Again.

Failing Again.

Broken dreams

And unheard screams

I don’t know

What any of it means

Nothing here

Is as it seems

There is nothing left inside

I just want

To get off of this ride

Without drowning

In the rising tide

There are no secrets

And nothing left to confide

With my heart in my throat

I feel like all my words

Have been wrote

And there is no longer

Any hope

I am at the end

Of my literal rope

I don’t know who I am

Or if I even can

There has never been a plan

No matter where

My eyes scan

There is too much demand

Without anywhere

To safely land

And this is almost

Too much to stand

I really want to forgive

Because this is no way to live

And I have given

Everything I can give

My emotions are collecting dust

Failure is the only part of life

That I can really ever trust

Even when the cold winds

Of change gust

We adapt and do what we must

But the search always feels

Like some base, animalistic lust

I wish I could save me

From myself

Someday

Silver Platter Service

Silver Platter Service.

Under these dark waves of reality

The tides pull consciousness apart

Seeming truths teaming with lies

Life is made for living

Dreams are made for escape

And nightmares are made to be survived

 

Movements perfected over time

Actions without reactions

The vibrations become deafening

Waves breaking upon a distant shore

Hungry eyes swallowing the light

Devouring the shameful pain of joy

Power is for those brave enough

Destiny is for those who believe in stuff

Forever is a comfort for the mortal

And fate can never be controlled

 

Confident self-destruction

Spending years writing

One endless suicide note

That no one

Will ever read

Searching for something

That never really existed

And a love that

Will never be enough

Satisfaction is for the weak

Turmoil bleeds from open wounds

Bruised flesh remains tender

When there is no escaping the past

 

Taught to be ungrateful

And taught from the start how to hate

First rules are learned

But soon they will be broken

Then broken again

Losing their meaning over time

 

Wisdom carved in stone

Reasons to writhe and moan

Out of step and lacking tone

After each and every broken bone

The truth is that no one

Is traveling this road alone

And there is no voice

On the other end of the phone

 

We scold the bold

For breaking the mold

And never doing

Exactly as they are told

Welcome to the fold

I promise this will get old

When all the dreams

Are bought and sold

By hearts that have gown

Jaded and cold

In hopes no one will grab hold

 

A warrior called to the fight

Slowly draining might

When shying away from the light

Embraced by the night

This is the one thing that has

Always felt right

With no end in sight

Life has been served on a silver platter

All we can do is try to get a bite

Before the feast comes to an end.

3/26/2013 7:48 AM

Eat the Swine Before They Eat You.

A quiet, snowy Sunday morning. Up too late, once again. Earlier I watched the blessedly last of the Twilight movies, it wasn’t bad to be honest. It did however make me want to spend the rest of the night drinking and re-watching people be brutally hacked to death on Spartacus while I work on some pulled pork for later tonight. Overall though, this combination of things has led me to spend a lot of the night thinking of cannibalism and how humans should eat their young like other animals do. It would just spare us all so many issues in the long run.

If it was not for my morbid interest in someday eating another human, I would possibly be able to become a vegetarian. I feel like the fact that I would eat those worthless humans who mistreat animals if given the chance gives me the leeway to still enjoy all the usual kinds of meat as often as I want. I do love animals and see both sides of the argument. When it comes down to it though, some animals seem to serve no other purpose than to be yummy. Chickens for instance. For all I know, human tastes like all my favorite foods. I won’t know until I try.

Ancient dwellers of this planet practiced cannibalism when they had to but there is really no record of anyone telling how it tasted or how they prepared and spiced the meat. Stranger things have happened to our sad, desperate species over the years. With all the end of the world scenarios being played out in our day and age, I get the feeling sometimes that we may all come to the point of eating each other just to survive someday.

No matter which road is taken, no matter if it is the idea of eating our enemies or eating the humans that serve no purpose on this planet, cannibalism will serve as a welcomed form of population control someday. Everyone is divided over “women issues” like rape, birth control and abortion, maybe this is how we can get them all to shut up and get on with their lives. When some white trash family, living off the government has their fourth or sixth kid, start making them eat the ones they can’t support. If you think this is a repulsive idea and you think I am a horrible person for saying so, think of the Octopi-Mom or that other reality show chick with eight kids or something. Since this country becomes more and more obsessed with people like that every day, maybe we can make a new reality show called “How fast can you rid the world of your demon spawn.” I think Casey Anthony and any parent of a kid who caused some schoolyard, gun related tragedy would make perfect judges for the show. I would say we could follow it with “Who wants to laugh at idiots, douchbags and retards.” But there are at least fifteen different versions of that show already out there.

I know it sounds harsh but all this live and let live, political correctness is what will eventually be the end of humanity as we know it. Once upon a time the philosophy was survival of the fittest but now it seems like survival of the shittiest has become the law of the land. After a while it has started to become obvious that this empire, like so many before it, is ready to crumble way and fade into history. When things like that take hold of your consciousness and society it gets harder and harder to take anything seriously. The more I learn, the more I want to know. But the more I learn, the more see patterns and shapes forming in the distance, some of them are intimidating, others I feel need to be destroyed immediately. Personal plans, dreams and goals feel the most vivid and real while the bigger picture always remains out of focus and surreal. When I say bigger picture, I mean the reality that everyone else seems to be more than happy to embrace and call true. It has left me on the outside looking in, always wondering, worrying and trying to find the right path for me, myself and I before it is too late.

While most women my age seem to want nothing more than a man who provides security, children and the same old expectations of normalcy, I sometimes wonder what the fuck is wrong with me, why am I constantly unsatisfied. I ask myself if I am missing something, if I am broken and most of all, who’s path in life is going to be the right one in the end. I have no choice to keep being the person I am and hope for the best. This life is short though and as much as I would like to, I know I can’t really manage to try everything at least once before I go. Death itself does not scare me, the idea that I had not seen or done enough, felt or experienced enough, dreamed big enough or lived loud enough is absolutely terrifying though. I go through great effort to convince myself that no one’s opinions matter but I also spend quite a bit of time trying to figure out why they think what they think or act the way they act. It might not be the healthiest way to look at things but most of the time I treat my fellow man like they are only here for my amusement, to keep me entertained. While this may sound cold and selfish, it does however give me the power to laugh at life and all the things it throws my way instead of crying about them. So I also spend more time than I should, wondering to myself about how this could be wrong when it feels so right. Being a human can be complex and exhausting, there is and always has been, far too much grey area where there are no rules. In those grey areas it becomes difficult to even save yourself in the battle with yourself. Questions like, who am I? Why am I here? Why do I even care or bother to go on, what is the point of all this? These are questions that I plague myself with on a regular basis. For every moment I spend observing and contemplating the world around me I spend five times that contemplating myself and where I fit in this world around me, what I want from this world around me and what I need from this reality that has been forced upon me.

 

Functional Dis-function.

If I am ever going

To take things

Seriously

I need to start

Working furiously

And stop approaching

Things

So deliriously

But I always fall prey

To my own

Curiosity because

This leads me

To debate

Everything endlessly

While striving

For that perfect

Ecstasy

 

Sometimes

I take it too far

But it is

Just because I want

To be where you are

Because you will

Always be

The most

Far away and

Unreachable star

I will never win

This most personal

And endless war

 

Every page that

I have read

And every word

I have ever said

Will mean nothing

Once I am dead

But there is nothing

I would rather do instead

When I closed my eyes

Even though the

Road has been long

I have always tried to lead

While all the others

Have been content

Simply being led

People always think

That I somehow

Damaged my head

And that I

Have already made

My own final bed

But doubting me

Is the best way

To make me see red

Alive for Now.

Alive for Now.

In the quietest of

Still moments

In the perfect silence

Between one breath

And the next

 

I become aware

That I am alive

 

When I watch

The dawn break

Like a wave

Over the darkness

And shadows

 

I take a moment

To remember

That I am alive

 

Sometimes when

A stranger

Bumps into me

Or our eyes lock

And we both smile

We see each other

In the reflection

Of another

 

And we tell the other

Without any words

That we are both alive

 

I let myself feel hunger

I let myself enjoy the pain

I loose myself in love

And sometimes

I take things too far

I say what no one

Ever dares to say

I laugh out loud

And I learn from

My mistakes

 

Because I need to feel

Alive

I don’t know any other way

To feel

Alive

 

It all comes crashing in

At the strangest of times

Taking hold of every

Fiber that creates

A reality that seems

So very real

While shaking the core

Of the heart

And the soul

With a simple truth

 

That

I am alive

 

It sneaks in

Unsuspected

And unexpected

But there is no way

To deny

Or stop the progression

Once the journey

Has been started

There are more emotions

And feelings to be felt

 

Because

This is what it means

To live and to be

Alive

 

As much as it seems

Like this should be

A comfort

Or that this thought

Should bring security

 

It can be scary to face

The knowledge that

Our stories end the same

And all

We need to learn

Is how to finally live

Like we are

Really alive

2/6/2013 10:30 AM

Inside Out.

Inside Out.

Just outside of reality

On the brink of discovery

There is no recovery

From the daily drudgery

Pulled from sleep

What we sew we must reap

The wound has become deep

So the blood will always seep

And eyes are made to weep

Keeping calm through medication

Instead of hard work and dedication

Being pulled in every direction

Another piece of trash waiting for collection

Life offers no guarantee or protection

This is how it works

And it does have its perks

This is the place where darkness lurks

Going off the deep end

With many bridges left to mend

And more messages to send

But nothing left inside to defend

So it is easier to just pretend

Living in a dream

No voice left to scream

The truth is farther than it may seem

Moods will always swing

Affecting every single thing

Sometimes the soul will sing

Like an angel with a broken wing

Failure has such a familiar ring

The future always seems so grand

Even if it was never actually planned

It is important to take a stand

While looking for a safe place to land

Hanging on by a strand

The flames have to be fanned

Moving from darkness into the light

Is a never ending fight

Blurring the lines between wrong and right

Or black and white

There is no salvation in sight

At least not on this night

Destroy the soul if it burns too bright

2/5/2013 12:02 PM

See.

See.

Creeping sun invades

Staining the edges

Of darkness

 

Unhinged from time

In the silent void

Of space

 

Do you see?

What they want you

To see

 

Scars leftover

From the battles

Of life

 

Fallen from grace

Fearless in the face

Of death

 

Do you see?

What this journey has done

To me

 

Below the surface

Faceless faces scream

Of nothing

 

Do you see?

What you mean

To me

 

Eventually it comes down

To this moment

Of truth

 

Do you see?

This is a part

Of me

 

Blood stained fingers

Clutch to the edge

Of sanity

 

Do you see?

Those secret places inside

Of me

 

This has always been

A life or death game

Of chance

 

Do you see?

1/31/2013 5:27 AM