Alive for Now.

Alive for Now.

In the quietest of

Still moments

In the perfect silence

Between one breath

And the next

 

I become aware

That I am alive

 

When I watch

The dawn break

Like a wave

Over the darkness

And shadows

 

I take a moment

To remember

That I am alive

 

Sometimes when

A stranger

Bumps into me

Or our eyes lock

And we both smile

We see each other

In the reflection

Of another

 

And we tell the other

Without any words

That we are both alive

 

I let myself feel hunger

I let myself enjoy the pain

I loose myself in love

And sometimes

I take things too far

I say what no one

Ever dares to say

I laugh out loud

And I learn from

My mistakes

 

Because I need to feel

Alive

I don’t know any other way

To feel

Alive

 

It all comes crashing in

At the strangest of times

Taking hold of every

Fiber that creates

A reality that seems

So very real

While shaking the core

Of the heart

And the soul

With a simple truth

 

That

I am alive

 

It sneaks in

Unsuspected

And unexpected

But there is no way

To deny

Or stop the progression

Once the journey

Has been started

There are more emotions

And feelings to be felt

 

Because

This is what it means

To live and to be

Alive

 

As much as it seems

Like this should be

A comfort

Or that this thought

Should bring security

 

It can be scary to face

The knowledge that

Our stories end the same

And all

We need to learn

Is how to finally live

Like we are

Really alive

2/6/2013 10:30 AM

See.

See.

Creeping sun invades

Staining the edges

Of darkness

 

Unhinged from time

In the silent void

Of space

 

Do you see?

What they want you

To see

 

Scars leftover

From the battles

Of life

 

Fallen from grace

Fearless in the face

Of death

 

Do you see?

What this journey has done

To me

 

Below the surface

Faceless faces scream

Of nothing

 

Do you see?

What you mean

To me

 

Eventually it comes down

To this moment

Of truth

 

Do you see?

This is a part

Of me

 

Blood stained fingers

Clutch to the edge

Of sanity

 

Do you see?

Those secret places inside

Of me

 

This has always been

A life or death game

Of chance

 

Do you see?

1/31/2013 5:27 AM

A New Coat of Paint

A New Coat of Paint.

Tomorrow night I am going to see the Mighty Mighty Bosstones and since I had no wing tips, and I don’t own a suit cool enough for the heat wave we are trapped in, I figured the next best thing was to dye my Mohawk Bosstone red. Unfortunately, I forgot how bright colors come out when you bleach your hair four or five times in a day.

A few weeks ago I started bleaching my hair and I was fairly happy with the results then, today, I had got in the mood to bleach it some more and get it a perfect whitish blonde. I failed, miserably. Thankfully I always have more hair care products than a girl like me could ever possibly need, as part of that collection, I always keep a few different colors of hair dye on hand encase I get bored. It saved me tonight, in a big way.

There are few things in life that make you feel better like a new coat of paint, sooner or later I will be able to afford some paint for my skin too, I need some more tattoos, all kinds of them, maybe some piercings too. But everything in its own time and for now, I am just happy with a new doo now and then.

I also wanted to take a chance to say happy freaking birthday to my fellow freak in all sorts of painting, Jo Lynn. They don’t come much cooler than her. Back when I started this page I wrote a little thing about her art and where you can find out more about her, you can read that here. So leave a comment and wish her a happy one or even better, go check out her art and buy some stuff.

Anyway, I was going to try to take on this whole homophobic chicken issue but I got a little too high and it was coming out a bit too judgmental and weird and then, I remembered, I don’t care, I mean, I do but… the whole thing was about how ignoring hate and not giving it attention is the best way to deal with it, so I erased it and wrote something with meaning and substance.

Why bother writing about stupidity and hate when I can write about how much I love my friends, my hair and the fact that I am going to see one of my favorite bands in a few hours with the person I love most in this world. I mean, right? Tell them how much you love being you, that shit pisses people off every time. Like they say, the best revenge is a life well lived and all those other things like onward and upward, live and let live, love is love…go out there and do it, paint something, even if you paint your whole life.

8/3/2012 3:55 AM