Alive for Now.

Alive for Now.

In the quietest of

Still moments

In the perfect silence

Between one breath

And the next

 

I become aware

That I am alive

 

When I watch

The dawn break

Like a wave

Over the darkness

And shadows

 

I take a moment

To remember

That I am alive

 

Sometimes when

A stranger

Bumps into me

Or our eyes lock

And we both smile

We see each other

In the reflection

Of another

 

And we tell the other

Without any words

That we are both alive

 

I let myself feel hunger

I let myself enjoy the pain

I loose myself in love

And sometimes

I take things too far

I say what no one

Ever dares to say

I laugh out loud

And I learn from

My mistakes

 

Because I need to feel

Alive

I don’t know any other way

To feel

Alive

 

It all comes crashing in

At the strangest of times

Taking hold of every

Fiber that creates

A reality that seems

So very real

While shaking the core

Of the heart

And the soul

With a simple truth

 

That

I am alive

 

It sneaks in

Unsuspected

And unexpected

But there is no way

To deny

Or stop the progression

Once the journey

Has been started

There are more emotions

And feelings to be felt

 

Because

This is what it means

To live and to be

Alive

 

As much as it seems

Like this should be

A comfort

Or that this thought

Should bring security

 

It can be scary to face

The knowledge that

Our stories end the same

And all

We need to learn

Is how to finally live

Like we are

Really alive

2/6/2013 10:30 AM

See.

See.

Creeping sun invades

Staining the edges

Of darkness

 

Unhinged from time

In the silent void

Of space

 

Do you see?

What they want you

To see

 

Scars leftover

From the battles

Of life

 

Fallen from grace

Fearless in the face

Of death

 

Do you see?

What this journey has done

To me

 

Below the surface

Faceless faces scream

Of nothing

 

Do you see?

What you mean

To me

 

Eventually it comes down

To this moment

Of truth

 

Do you see?

This is a part

Of me

 

Blood stained fingers

Clutch to the edge

Of sanity

 

Do you see?

Those secret places inside

Of me

 

This has always been

A life or death game

Of chance

 

Do you see?

1/31/2013 5:27 AM

A Step Back

I like to be sure

Of myself

And

My surroundings

Before I take

The first step

While some may call it

Cowardice

I call it caution

And while some

May call it madness

Some might consider it

Wisdom or power

 

Because that first step

Can lead

To places unimagined

And it never takes

More than

One step

To be on your way

Into a better future

 

Under everything

Everyone wants

To be loved

Everyone wants

To be accepted

And understood

Denial can only ever

Cover up

The truth

For so long

Before the cracks

Start showing

Any signs of weakness

 

The next step

Is a choice

But the first step

Is made

On instinct

Because

Everyone’s first step

Is made

With blind faith

And with

The purest of intentions

Because we always

Learn the most

From simply watching

 

Walking away

Is harder than fighting

So most people

Chose oblivion

Over the endless search

They chose comfort

Instead of curiosity

And to each their own

But I have always believed

That any great journey

Starts with that

Painfully beautiful first step

Out onto the edge

While breathing in

The adventure of living

Overwhelming the senses

All the sights

Smells and flavors

Embraced by gods

Trying to take it all

In at once

 

Steps to recovery

Steps leading away

And those same steps

Leading us closer

Step in line

Because this

Is

Our

Time

 

Consider the moment

And consider tomorrow

Worrying about yesterday

Is a step in the wrong direction

Time will always

Play cruel tricks on the mind

Because the concept of time

Has always been the crulest trick

Ever played on the mind

Take a step back to see

Blood soaked machines

Keeping the dream alive

 

In That Place

Slipping back into that place

That far away world of my own

Quietly comforted by the feeling

Of depression

And the weight of the darkness

Too broken for tears

Mistakes have been made

But lessons were also learned

Within the comforting

Embrace of blind belief

Anything seems possible

Too scared to understand the truth

Or just to weak to search for it

Half of these lies are equal

To more than half of our lives

Fate lets the darkness chose

How and when someone survives

Exceptions to the rule

Can always be made

Because everyone wants to feel special

Everyone wants to be loved

Secret hopes born from violent nightmares

Knowledge is power

At least that’s what they say

In the darkness we are all the same

Jaded by time and experience

Learning to take things slow

Breathing in the faint whispers

Vapors left by souls lost in the shadows

There will never be another night like this

Some people say that time

Can heal all wounds

But those same people

Say it is better to have loved and lost

Than to have never loved at all

Everyone tries to live in the light

Believing the are owed something

Pretending life is supposed to be easy

And never once do they consider

Just trying to enjoy the darkness

For whatever it may be worth

Time keeps moving forward

Even in the most perfect of moments

And even when everything

Seems to stand still

Frozen in forever

Drowning in the emotions

Exhausted by the effort

Selfish cravings outweigh

Any logical response

When endings eventually become

New beginnings

Many lives can be lived

In the time it takes to blink

When it is all over

Darkness welcomes us again

Finding a home within

The darkness lets the future

Become the past

Hungering to be remembered

Longing to be immortal

Too stubborn to be resisted

And too honest to be ignored

On a road to nowhere

Stumbling through the dark

Just trying to find a way

A way to make it all work

Somehow there has to be a reason

There has to be a way

When all the rules have been broken

And the illusions have been destroyed

No one will be able to know

If they are alone when

Darkness can consume reality

Leaving nothing

To see here and

Nothing left to believe in

All that is left behind

Is the hope and the dreams

That have long been forgotten

Last Night

Last Night.

There is a healing energy

In the moon

I sit beneath it wrapped up

In blankets

Like a cocoon

And I think about

The encroaching gloom

And the possibility

Of man’s doom

These are the thoughts

That always

Seem to loom

Even if it comes too soon

Just meet me

At high noon

If you need to grow

There will always

Be plenty of room

Try to be glad

Even if it drives

You completely mad

It may not

Be so bad

Or it may just be

Another passing fad

The time has come

To stop always being

So incredibly sad

There are things in the past

That is never meant to last

When your whole world

Changes it can happen fast

It was the last night

And the next to last fight

When it all

Came into the light

And the secrets were

Finally in sight

I just never expected

Such a savage bite

That would be taken

On the last night

We keep trying

To do what is right

Even when nothing

Is as simple

As black or white

So I sit here staring at the moon

And I let my heart

Start to swoon

Because this is

What I learned

Last night

From the moon

9/12/2012 6:19 PM

Sometimes.

Sometimes.

Sometimes it gets old

Sometimes it gets boring

And sometimes

Everything falls apart

Sometimes it’s great

Sometimes it takes too long

And sometimes

Everything goes by too fast

Sometimes it matters

Sometimes it’s easy to do

And sometimes

Everything works perfectly

Sometimes the answers are clear

Sometimes nothing makes sense

And sometimes

Everything takes a turn for the worst

Sometimes there are motives

Sometimes there are consequences

And sometimes

Everything just fades like memories

Sometimes are filled with love

Sometimes are filled with hate

And sometimes

Everything becomes confusing

Sometimes it feels right

Sometimes it feels wrong

And sometimes

Everything becomes hard to feel at all

Sometimes it becomes hard to handle

Sometimes it’s hard to deal

And sometimes

Everything slows back down again

Sometimes the future seems written

Sometimes it feels like there is free will

And sometimes

Everything means forever

And sometimes

This feels like it finally could be enough

Sometimes dreams come true

Sometimes things really do work out in the end

2/23/2012 4:13 AM

Back In It

Back In It.

And I took some time

And after some rest

And relaxation

I am back in it

I am recharged and ready

I feel my blood burn brightly

Dreams to come true

Dreams can seem like nightmares

Dreams have taken control

The only way to know

The one way to destroy the myths

The only way to prove  them wrong

You always ask for more

You have no idea what is in store

You now know the score

Somehow I just knew

Somehow I found the strength

Somehow this became reality

They never saw me coming

They didn’t have a clue

They have paid the ultimate price

Life was never supposed to be easy

Life doesn’t come with a rulebook

Life has to be lived to the fullest

But I found a way to live forever

But I took another chance

But I knew that I would be back in it someday

I never saw it coming

I didn’t have a clue

I have paid the ultimate price

And I know it was worth it

And this is what dreams are made of

And I knew I would find a way back in it one day

1/10/2012 1:14 AM